Keeping Holiday Stress at Bay

By Rachel Stockton

The murder of four people in Jupiter, FL over Thanksgiving weekend reminds us that the holidays can bring up old wounds that fester over time.

Authorities say that Paul Michael Merhige, 35, is a suspect in the murders of his family members:  his pregnant sister and her twin, a 6 year old cousin, and his 79 year old aunt.  Resentment, said law enforcement, had been ongoing. 

Fortunately, most holiday dinners do not have such a tragic ending; however, for many people the holidays can exacerbate anxiety, depression, and negative feelings toward certain family members.  Despite the “gaiety” represented by a myriad of office parties, school plays and stage productions of The Nutcracker, the holidays can be difficult, for a number of reasons.

Unrealistic Expectations

If we walk into the holiday season expecting our homes to look like a Currier and Ives greeting card and our children to be perfect angels, we are setting ourselves up for failure. As with just about everything else in lives, there is no such thing as a perfect family gathering.  That’s because those gatherings are made up of imperfect people.  According to WebMd, keeping expectations reasonable throughout the season can do much to alleviate stress, which contributes to depression and anxiety.

With all of the demands on our time during the holiday season, we need to ask ourselves if we really have to attend every single party we’ve been invited to.  In order to “visualize” all of the activities that you’ll want to be a part of by purchasing a large calendar for the month of December.  Put every event down on the calendar, from decorating the tree to mailing Christmas cards.  By creating a schedule, we are better able to manage our schedules rather than have our schedules manage us.

Christmas Parties and Other Social Events

If you feel that you can’t possibly miss the office Christmas party, try setting a time limit.  Chances are that no one has given you a mandate demanding youstay for the duration; if 15 minutes is all you have to spare, so be it.  It also helps to remember that you really owe no one an explanation if you decide to call it a night a bit early.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

If we become overly concerned with every single aspect of the holiday season, we can easily work ourselves into a frenzy.  This time of year is a great time to use your cognitive skills to keep from over analyzing person, places and things we have absolutely no control of.  Let’s face it, there’s precious little we CAN completely control. 

If you’re sister-in-law hates the sweater you gave her, try not to take it personally; just make sure you give her the receipt so she can purchase something that she truly likes.

Try Not to Overspend

One of the greatest stressors of the holiday season is that it’s expensive.  Make out a budget and try to stick to it; that way you won’t carry December’s anxiety into January when you receive your credit card bills.

Finally, remember that you’re not alone; when it comes right down to it, most people feel anxious during the holidays.  The key is to not allow ourselves to feel victimized by it.  By taking control of our schedules, finances, and emotions, we will garner feelings of empowerment that comes from remaining proactive.